


Falling Faster and Faster

by Stria (Asia117)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: (like serious smut bc i am Tired of femslash fic not being explicit), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Polyamory, Rollerblades & Rollerskates, Sexuality Crisis, Smut, Threesome - F/F/F, also chris sings opera and she's a lirico spinto, i'll add others as i go - Freeform, mention of eating disorders and abuse but not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:46:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asia117/pseuds/Stria
Summary: “I’m a fucking creep and it’s not right that a creep like me stays close to two people like you. I can’t, not till I manage to reign in the fucking creepiness I have inside myself.” She says it all in the span of a breath, and after that she’s panting a bit, and she can feel actual tears on her cheek. “I’m a creep,” she repeats, and then breaks into sobs.[Or, Vilde starts dreaming about Noora and Eva. She can't think straight, she's so gay, and all that jazz.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing much to say, this thing started out as a pwp and it become this monster that I've been writing forever and I reached the conclusion to split it in two chapters because it made more sense like this. I promise a big threesome ending, bc it's the core of this idea.
> 
> Title taken from [Girl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmY8mG4_3j4) by The Internet. I'm in love with the singer btw, lmao.

Noora’s body is milky white, without any blemish or beauty mark on it. She’s petite, with a wasp waist and a small ass, things that Vilde will never have. Eva, under her, has some freckles. They’re light, and Vilde wouldn’t normally notice them, but she can tell she’s hyperfocusing in a way that she can’t explain. It’s a tangle of bodies. Two bodies, tangled. She can see all the expanse of Noora’s back and she can see Eva’s face wearing an expression of pleasure with her mouth curved in an _O_ and she can see how Eva’s hands grip Noora’s tiny waist and she can see Noora’s hand on Eva’s breast and—

“Oh my god, Vilde!”

—And that’s the trigger that makes Vilde finally _move_ and _close the fucking door_ , and lean on it with her heart beating fast.

She can’t make sense of what she saw. She didn’t meant to walk in the room without knocking, but she was literally so enthralled in her thoughts that she didn’t think about it, and she got to see—she got—

 _White skin, freckles, moles, tangled hands and petite bodies_.

She just wanted to give Noora back her jacket, because she forgot her jacket at school and she just wanted to give it back because she knows Noora loves that jacket, and Isak just waved her in when she knocked, and she would have never thought—never—

_Eva’s face, eyes rolled back, mouth open in a silent scream._

And she didn’t even know, she didn’t even imagine—how could she imagine that something like _that_ was going on behind closed doors, how could she imagine that flatmates being home weren’t a deal breaker, how could she imagine that Noora and Eva—that Eva and Noora—

 _Noora’s hand gripping Eva’s breast, Noora’s body trembling for all the pleasure_.

Vilde takes two big breaths. There’s nothing strange, nothing bad, nothing happening. There’s nothing. Everything is okay, and nothing’s happening. She can do that, she can avoid making it awkward, and she can let Eva and Noora do things on their own terms. She can be a good friend. She can.

When Eva and Noora come out (ha!) of the room, Vilde is almost wearing a normal expression.

They look dishevelled, not even trying to hide it, their cheeks red and Eva’s hair all mussed up. Noora is trying to fit into a flannel that Vilde _knows_ is Eva’s. That Vilde _knows_ Eva was wearing earlier today. She takes another deep breath, and thrusts the jacket in Noora’s hands.

“You forgot this,” she babbles, and can’t look in Noora’s eyes, can’t stand to see her rosy cheeks and shining eyes, and her relaxed expression.

“Vilde—” Eva is trying to meet her gaze, but Vilde really doesn’t want to look at her either.

“I just came to give you the jacket back,” she says instead. “And I actually have to do—family stuff. I was just passing. See you!” Her voice is bright, and she’s smiling just like she taught herself to do. She gets out of the door in five seconds flat, ignoring Noora calling her name.

She has to get home.

 

***

 

Eva and Noora are the same in school, as per usual. But now that Vilde _knows_ , she also does notice what’s happening, she can also look at her interactions with another lens.

And she notices the lingering touches, the gazes meeting, the way sometimes they both disappear and reappear at the same time, and these are all things she never paid much attention to, because everybody knows that they’re actually best friends, and they talk about everything, and their friendship is the tightest that’s ever been. She just—couldn’t imagine how tight it was, really.

They try to talk to her, to approach her, multiple times. First alone, then both of them are cornering her one day during lunch break, and she looks at them with round eyes and swallows hard, and shakes her head with all the strength she’s capable to muster.

“Your secret is okay with me,” she tells them, and then uses their momentary surprise to power-walk out of the situation.

After that, they look at her with strange looks, but they don’t try to approach her anymore, which is good.

 

***

 

“You’re strange,” tells her Chris one day. Vilde raises her eyebrows.

“Strange how, exactly?” she asks, and her heart starts beating at 100bpm. Chris knows her better than anyone else, has seen how fucked up her family is, and is still here for her a hundred percent. Even when Vilde really doesn’t need Chris to be here, unfortunately.

Chris shrugs. “Like you’re hiding something.” She’s looking at Vilde casually, her head tilted and tapping lightly on the music sheet she’s holding. She was studying it when Vilde got there.

“It’s just—” Vilde’s voice dies in her throat. She can’t really hide things from Chris, but she can bend the truth a bit, maybe. “Just family stuff, I’m just—you know.” She waves her hands uselessly in the air, not knowing what she’s trying to convey. “Family stuff,” she repeats.

Chris’ gaze becomes less distracted and more serious, and she actually puts her music sheet down, looks at Vilde. “Do you need to sleep at mine for a bit? I can tell mum it’s because we need to do a very important school project, you know she always believes that stuff.”

Vilde sometimes asks herself what she did to deserve Chris in her life. She smiles a bit, and gives her a side hug, puts her head on Chris’ shoulder and closes her eyes. “I’ll tell you if it becomes unbearable, okay?”

Chris nods, caresses her hair a bit. “Do you want to hear about this aria I have to sing?” she asks. She always does this when she has to distract Vilde.

Vilde puts her head on Chris’s shoulder, nods, and closes her eyes. “Shoot,” she murmurs.

Chris starts talking about the tragedy of the two lovers who want to elope to Seville, and they end up killing her father, and about how the aria she has to sing is the protagonist’s aria when she’s going to the monastery and she asks forgiveness for her sins. Vilde doesn’t say anything, just stays there while Chris finishes her story and then starts applying solfeggio again, stopping at a regular intervals to complain about semiquavers.

 

***

 

“Do you like it?” Noora is looking at her, a naughty expression on her face, and Vilde arches towards her, opens her mouth but no word comes out.

Noora is holding her breast, her hand warm on Vilde’s skin, and Vilde grips her waist frantically, can’t avoid noticing how petite Noora is compared to her, how her hands seem to cover a huge span on Noora’s waist, going on her back and caressing her milky white skin. Noora smiles, fox-like, and licks her lips.

She licks Vilde’s neck teasingly, wets her lobe and blows on it, making Vilde shiver helplessly. “Do you like it?” She repeats, in a whisper.

Her body is warm over Vilde, and her leg is between Vilde’s legs and she’s actually—she’s actually—

Vilde can’t help but push into her and Noora bites down on her lobe, shivering. “Do you like it?” she asks again.

Vilde can’t speak, feels too overwhelmed and _wet_ to speak, but she manages a nod, she starts nodding and Noora’s tingling laugh invades her senses and makes her shiver and she keeps nodding like her life depends on it and keeps pushing into Noora and keeps gripping Noora’s waist and—

 

Vilde wakes up alone, in her bed, wet with sweat and something _else_ she doesn’t want to think about.

 

***

 

The next day, Vilde can’t even look Noora in the eyes. As soon as she sees her approaching, she ducks down pretending to look for something in her bag. She finds in that order: an old receipt for a handbag she bought two weeks ago, her Candy Yum-Yum from MAC, her pocket mirror. She resorts to do a touch up to her lips, even if she knows she doesn’t really need it. She didn’t really eat today, and she knows Noora will notice it and this won’t help her case, but she really can’t manage to look at Noora in the eyes and having Noora read the fact that she’s a creeper thinking about her friends—thinking—

“I brought you food, Vilde!” Noora’s voice is cheerful, as per usual, and a Tupperware is suddenly slid in front of her. Inside, there’s what looks like a salad with kale and chickpeas.

Noora makes her food, and she’s so ungrateful and creepy that she thinks about Noora in her most vulnerable state, without even a hint of respect for her privacy.

Vilde really doesn’t want to eat now. She opens the Tupperware and the smell of food makes her want to throw up. “Thank you,” she says instead to Noora, without looking at her.

She feels Noora’s gaze on her, and she feels Chris’ hands coming under the table to squeeze her knee, and she has to concentrate very hard as not to cry.

 

***

 

She goes to Chris’ exhibition because that’s what she always did since she met Chris, and because she hopes that opera singing can bring her minds out of all that stuff. Only, this year there’s the others too. She smiles through the chitchat they do before the whole thing starts, and then sits close to Sana, trying not to look at Eva and Noora sitting with their knees touching just a couple seats over.

She’s not able to listen to the other people singing, but honestly, this whole opera stuff Chris has going always kind of made her bored. Now it’s just worse because she can’t stop thinking about Noora and Eva sitting in the darkness, knees touching and hands touching and maybe sharing a chaste kiss and maybe Eva’s head on Noora’s shoulder and Eva’s mouth on Noora’s neck and Noora’s skin with goose pimples and—

_Madre, pietosa Vergine,_

_Perdona al mio peccato,_

_M'aita quel ingrato_

_Dal core a cancellar._

_In queste solitudini_

_Espierò l'errore,_

_Pietà di me, Signore._

_Deh, non m'abbandonar!_

Chris is always perfect when she sings, so much in her own skin on stage, so powerful and good. When she falls to her knees Vilde cries a bit, and tries not to think about what Chris told her about the song, puts her head on Sana’s shoulder and closes her eyes.

 

***

 

There’s Eva under her. She’s soft, soft like Vilde is, and her skin is full of light freckles. Her hands are on Vilde’s waist, gripping her tight, with the intention of leaving bruises. “I like leaving bruises on you,” Eva tells her.

Eva has her mouth open, in the shape of an _O_. She’s arching towards Vilde, rubbing on her frantically, trying to get off using Vilde’s body. Vilde wants to touch, to caress Eva’s face, to make this easier for her, but she can’t move, can’t do much more than staring at Eva in wonder.

Eva puts a thigh between her legs in the haste of getting off, starts rubbing hard against Vilde and Vilde wants to scream, wants to moan, wants to _let it out_ , but her voice seems to fail her, she can’t, she can’t, she can’t.

“Touch me,” says Eva, and arches towards Vilde, rubbing herself on her thigh.

“Touch me,” pleads Eva, and Vilde feels her thigh teasing her and shivers helplessly.

“Touch me,” moans Eva, and Vilde can’t stand anything more and she moans, she moans long and hard and takes Eva’s big breast in her hand and it’s so soft and so warm and so round and beautiful and—

 

Vilde wakes up panting and instinctively closing her legs, and she wants to cry.

 

***

 

Chris brings her home without even giving her time to complain. “I don’t fucking care about what you want to do,” she tells Vilde plainly. “You’re coming to mine, and we’re gonna study there.”

Vilde just nods, doesn’t say anything and follows Chris back home, lets herself be kissed on both cheeks from Chris’ mum, and goes to her room without uttering a word.

She’s always loved Chris’ house. It literally became her house when Chris’ parents got a whiff of what was happening at her house, and, much to her initial embarrassment, they literally ordered Chris to take Vilde home as many time as she could.

Her mum didn’t even notice.

Vilde grew to love Chris’ house, all open space and minimal interior design, and Chris’ Parents, always treating her like she was another daughter from day one, without even a question. She doesn’t know where she would be without Chris’ friendship and family there when she needs them.

They study in silence, like it’s custom between them, and Vilde looks at Chris lost and muttering  German words, and wonder if she, if her parents, if the people who have treated her like she was family since day one, if they would love her all the same if they _knew_.

 

***

 

The dreams don’t stop, even if Vilde really wants them to. They keep reappearing night after night after night, and sometimes they’re not there for a couple of nights, and Vilde thinks she managed to get over everything, and then the next night she wakes up again in a tangle of sheets and wishing she could just put a stop to everything.

The whole group friendship they have going on has taken a toll thanks to Vilde’s nights, and she can tell it. There’s Chris sticking close to her and fussing over her, and her friendship with Sana is a bit sacrificed, and there’s the cooking nights she had with Noora that don’t happen anymore, and Noora looks a bit sad and Eva looks sad by consequences, and Sana is more closed than ever, and that’s all Vilde’s fault, all because she can’t control her urges, her thoughts, she can’t be trusted left alone with people.

Sometimes she just wishes she could scream what she has in her head to the world, but then that would mean lose all her friends and her social status and people think she’s disgusting and the sole thought makes her throat close in panic, and she doesn’t think about it anymore.

She’s gained her social status with efforts, and she has to maintain it. So she applies another layer of baby pink lipstick, smacks her lips looking at herself in the mirror, and whispers _you can do it_. She can, she will be the perfect Norwegian girl everybody wants to be with. Then maybe her mum will finally notice her.

She has too much to lose not to keep trying.

 

***

 

“What’s the deal with you?” Sana is nothing if not direct, and there’s times Vilde almost likes it, but not this time, not really. She plasters a fake smile and bats her eyes a bit. She can tell Sana doesn’t really believe it, but she does it all the same.

“The deal with me?” She tries to take time, and Sana just squints her eyes. “There’s no deal with me,” she adds.

Sana just raises her eyebrows, without even talking. Vilde knows she’s not selling it, but she’s not telling Sana about the situation she has at home, and she doesn’t have any other excuse for what she’s feeling anyway. She just shrugs and waves her hands around uselessly.

She’s been in rough waters with Sana in the past. She had to overcome her instinctual wariness towards Sana’s proud religiosity, and she’s aware she was an islamophobic asshole, because Chris literally hit her round the head one day and forced her to confront with what she was doing. (But Vilde is not good with confrontation anyway.) Now they’re better, they discussed it a bit, but still, Vilde doesn’t feel like she does with the other three, and they know it.

Sana will always be the one who says things in her face though. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but you really should find either someone to talk to, or a solution, because it’s putting a strain on everyone.”

Vilde bites her lip. She’s right. “I’m working on it,” she says. It’s not true, but she doesn’t know what else to say.

Sana doesn’t seem to believe it, but her prayer app starts chanting before she can even say something. She stops it and purses her lips, almost daring Vilde to say something, like in the past. Vilde shakes her head; she does deserve it, she guesses.

“You’re going home?”

Sana nods. “I want to do _salat_ as close as possible.”

Escaped by the skin of her teeth. Vilde should start considering conversion, if Allah is that good with her.

 

***

 

Noora’s breasts are small and perky, and they smell good. They’re pressed on Vilde’s face, they’re not big enough for Vilde to drown in them, but they do their job.

“Do you want to?” Noora’s fingers are knotted in her hair, tugging a bit.

Eva is behind her, pressed along her back, her hands wandering, caressing Vilde’s stomach, going up, up to her breasts, cupping them and massaging her nipples, and she moans, opens her mouth and moans on Noora’s breasts.

Noora’s hand in her hair pushes a bit. “Do you want to?” she asks again.

Eva’s hands pinch her nipples, and Eva bites her neck lightly. “Do you want it?” she asks, and then her mouth goes away, and she kisses Noora and Vilde can see their tongues and their teeth, and can feel them moving. She moans again, mouths at Noora’s nipple and feels Noora arching towards her.

“Do you want it?” asks Eva, and her hands leave Vilde’s breasts, and Vilde wants to complain, wants to ask Eva to put her hands back there, but Eva’s hands are wandering down, down and tickling her stomach, then her tummy, then stopping between her legs, and Vilde squeezes Noora’s waist and bites Noora’s nipple, feeling heat irradiating from where Eva’s hands are touching her.

“Do you want to?” asks Noora, then takes her hand and puts it between her legs, and she’s firey hot there, and slick wet, and her hairs are soft and a perfect frame for everything. Vilde can’t breathe, tries to imitate Eva’s movements on Noora, and it seems to be working, and Noora takes Vilde’s face between her hands and kisses her and it’s slick and wet and firey hot and Vilde feels the heat between her legs, and under her hand, and on her mouth, and she starts moving frantically, spiralling down towards her release, and Eva’s mouth is suddenly on her neck, and Vilde opens her mouth to scream and—

 

She wishes she could just fucking _stop_ dreaming, fucking stop being like this. She closes her eyes, and screams her frustrations into her pillow.

 

***

 

Eva manages to corner her the very next day while Vilde is walking home. Sana went already home, and Chris is rehearsing things because she never stops singing, not even after an exhibition. Vilde’s alone.

(Vilde used to sit with Chris when she first started taking lessons, because that’s what a good friend does. She went through every kind of vocalise and warm-up and watched as Chris complained about the fact that _using just the M makes my lips tingle_ , and listened intently to every and each exercise and rehearsal because she wanted to be there for her friend, because she was Chris’ only friend and Chris was the best friend she had, and she desperately wished they could just be family and be done with it.

Now things have changed a bit, and while Vilde desperately wishes she could just be adopted into the Berg family sometimes, she also doesn’t feel the need to go at Chris’ every rehearsal, unless Chris is particularly stressed and asks for it.

Of course, she knew she would come to regret that decision not to go with Chris. And today is that day, apparently.)

“We need to talk,” she says.

Vilde swallows noisily.

“We really need to talk, Vilde,” Eva repeats, and she’s wearing a serious expression, maybe a bit disappointed. Vilde really doesn’t want to have this talk.

“I,” she starts, and then doesn’t know how to continue, then her throat closes up and prevents her from speaking. She nods, lowers her gaze. She can’t look at Eva in the eyes now.

It’s strange that’s Eva the one approaching her, honestly. She would have expected Noora to do it, because Noora is the one who cooks for her, and Noora is the one who always takes matters in her own hands when there’s problems. But also, Noora is the one who came back from William a bit more silent, a bit more broken. It makes sense that it’s Eva, maybe.

“I didn’t want Noora to be here,” tells her Eva, her eyes earnest and shining. “Because she’s still not totally okay with the whole sexuality thing, and I am. And I want to get this over with, Vilde.”

 _Sexuality thing_. Vilde swallows again, and nods without looking at Eva. She can’t really move, she can just look at her hands in her lap, and hope they won’t hate her too much.

“I know it can be a shock, and thank you for not telling anyone,” Eva speaks slowly, like she’s scared of spooking Vilde, and hearing the _thing_ being referenced like that, like it’s normal, it makes Vilde tremble a bit. She tries to breathe. “But we’re friends, right? We’re in the same group of friends. If you have any problem with Noora and me being together, we can talk about it. But I’d hate to see something like that ruining our friendship, Vilde.”

Vilde shuts her eyes really tight, and maybe if she thinks hard enough she can actually disappear, can actually be swallowed by the ground.

“Is it something linked to the fact that we’re women? Because you never seemed to have any problem with Isak and Even. Or is it something linked to us being in the same group of friends? Please let me understand?”

She can’t breathe, she can’t talk, she can’t open her eyes—

“But you have to tell me what is happening, what’s bugging you, because like this our group is on shaky grounds, and I—and we, both Noora and I, we would hate for something not talked about to become the cause of—” Eva trails off, coughs a bit. “Because I love Noora, and I don’t want her to suffer from ideas that might not be all that good, you know,” she says in the end.

Vilde takes a shaky breath. She owes Eva and Noora at least that much. “It’s not that,” she murmurs. It’s really not that.

“Then what is it, Vilde? What is that you’re avoiding everyone? What did we do?”

“Nothing, holy shit, it’s not you, it’s me! I’m a creep.” Vilde can’t believe she really said that, but in for a penny… “I’m a fucking creep and it’s not right that a creep like me stays close to two people like you. I can’t, not till I manage to reign in the fucking creepiness I have inside myself.” She says it all in the span of a breath, and after that she’s panting a bit, and she can feel actual tears on her cheek. “I’m a creep,” she repeats, and then breaks into sobs.

She feels Eva’s hand uncurling her fists, and she didn’t even realise she was hurting herself with her nails, and she feels Eva enveloping her in a hug. Eva doesn’t talk at all, just lets her cry, and Vilde is grateful for that.

After a while, Eva makes her get up and they walk slowly towards Eva’s house. Vilde’s still crying a bit, and her face never leaves Eva’s neck for the entirety of the path.

 

“You never swear,” Eva tells her later, when it’s night and Vilde was supposed to be home hours ago, but Eva convinced her to study together, and then they watched two episodes of Masterchef, and then it was too late to go home anyway.

“I know, swearing is not something girls should do,” Vilde says, almost automatically, and purses her lips.

Eva is silent for a moment. “What are girls supposed to do, then?” she asks, and she’s careful again.

Vilde does not want to have this conversation, she really doesn’t. She shrugs. “You know, dress nicely, behave, be good.” Find a boy to be with and not be creepy towards their friends.

“As opposed to?” Vilde can tell Eva wants an explanation for what she said at the park, but she can’t give her that, she can’t make Eva and Noora hate her, she can just pretend it’s nothing and go on with her life.

“As opposed to swearing, and not dressing up, not caring for yourself.” She waves her hands uselessly, and prays that Eva doesn’t ask her anymore questions.

Eva doesn’t.

 

***

 

“I thought that Noora should be here for this,” says Eva, and smiles down at Vilde. “We are together, after all.”

Noora smiles at Vilde, her lipstick perfectly applied. “We are,” she says.

Vilde nods, and suddenly can’t speak.

Eva is hugging Vilde from behind, and Noora towers in front of her, smiling, always smiling. “We know everything, Vilde,” she says.

“You like us,” Eva murmurs on her neck. Her mouth travels up till her lobe, and she bites it jokingly. “You have the hots for us.”

Noora giggles, takes Vilde’s face between her hands. “It’s a bit naughty, isn’t it?” she asks, and then kisses Vilde without waiting for her reply.

It’s a filthy kiss, all tongue and teeth and not perfect by any means, but it steals Vilde’s breath all the same, and suddenly she can’t move anymore.

Eva bites down on her neck, making Vilde arch towards Noora. “Let’s just see how much do you want it.” Before Vilde can react, Eva puts her hands in her pants, between her legs, and opens her with nimble fingers, tastes her a bit. “That’s a lot, you want it a lot,” she says, delighted, and Noora smiles with her.

Vilde is naked, and Eva’s fingers are inside her, and Noora’s mouth is on her breasts, and Noora’s hands are guiding her hands inside Eva, where she’s wet and warm, and Eva’s mouth is on Vilde’s neck, panting and sucking, and Vilde’s mouth is open in an endless moan.

“You want it so much,” moans Eva on her neck.

“You want us so much,” echoes Noora looking up at her.

Vilde nods, not trusting her voice, and they both smile.

“Naughty,” they say. “Naughty, naughty, naughty.”

 

Vilde wakes up with Eva’s breath hot on her neck, and Eva’s hand splayed on her stomach, and daylight making impossible to try and sleep again, and fuck, honestly, she couldn’t stop being creepy not even when she was in Eva’s bed? With Eva who was nice to her and all? She withdraws from Eva with a brusque movement, hoping not to wake her up, and tries to stifle a sob.

“Vilde?” it’s whispered, and that’s not Eva’s voice. Vilde would know, she’s looking at Eva’s face, and Eva’s still sleeping rather peacefully.

No, that’s Noora’s voice. Noora is standing in the middle of the room, and the window is open and fuck, when did she got here? Did she witness Vilde being a creep in her fucking _girlfriend_ ’s bed? Can she understand what Vilde was _thinking_ , that she’s just a fucking creep, just someone not to be trusted, someone not to care about? How much is Noora hating her?

Noora is suddenly at her side, and Vilde is being enveloped in a hug, and wow, she started crying in earnest, hasn’t she? Noora squishes her a bit, and caresses her hair and suddenly Eva is there too and they’re being so gentle with her, so gentle and Vilde does not deserve it, she doesn’t, she’s just a fucking creep who preys on her friends and she doesn’t—

“Vilde, Vilde, baby, breathe. Baby.” There’s fresh hands on her cheek, and she feels a glass of water being pressed on her lips, and she doesn’t know who’s that because her visual is so blurry from all the tears, and she doesn’t deserve this treatment. She doesn’t.

“I’m a fucking creep,” she says, and her voice comes out like a wail, but the water prevents her to start sobbing again, she’s just here sipping it and breathing unevenly, hugged between Eva and Noora, and she doesn’t deserve it. “I don’t deserve it.”

“That’s not true, Vilde. Why would you say that.” Noora is still caressing her, but her voice is categorical, and Eva is still holding the glass of water and they both look so concerned and tender and if they knew, if only they knew, then they would hate her.

And they should know, because they should know better than to associate themselves with a creep like Vilde, and they really have to know and—

Vilde takes a shaky breath. “Because I don’t do what a normal friend would do. I don’t act like a normal friend would act. Because a normal friend doesn’t have—doesn’t have _thoughts_ about her friends, she doesn’t _dream_ about them, she doesn’t—” She can’t bring herself to say the words, but she knows Eva and Noora got what she meant, because they stop their ministrations, and of course, they hate her now. At least Vilde got over with it, and she doesn’t have to think about it anymore. “I’m a fucking predator,” she adds, and it comes out whispered, broken, and she doesn’t know what to do now.

She doesn’t want to be touched, she wants to go away, she can’t bear to see the looks on their faces, can’t bear to feel their hands, she feels dirty and unworthy, and she just wants to be alone in a corner. She starts crying in earnest again, but she’s not hysterical anymore, she feels tired, and she doesn’t have the strength to resist when she feels Noora and Eva delicately making her lie down again, hugging her from each side, and doesn’t even have the strength to ask herself what’s happening. She just closes her eyes and cries.

She doesn’t know how long she stays there, exhausted and crying and being hugged undeservingly, but she ends up falling in a fitful sleep, too tired to do anything else.

 

She wakes up sometime later to a whispered conversation, and the sun is still coming through the window so at least she hasn’t slept too much; Eva and Noora are sitting on Eva’s chair, their heads close and their hands touching. They look at her and, as soon as they see that she’s awake, they detach to come back at her sides.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Eva is careful, always so careful, and Vilde closes her eyes, takes a deep breath.

“Tired,” she murmurs. Tired and worthless.

Noora kisses her hair, and keeps her mouth there. “You know,” she starts, a bit hesitantly. “You know, I had a kind of a difficult time coming to terms with my sexuality. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to someone who left me a few days later, and then I fell into a strange sort of fling with someone I was at the clinic with, when I was anorexic. Her name was Amira, and I was so scared and I fell so much deeper in the closet. It was about to het maybe better when I first came here but then,” she pauses, takes a deep breath. “Then my ex happened.”

Vilde nods; she doesn’t need Noora to say his name to understand, and Noora doesn’t really say his name anymore, not after what she told everyone in bits and pieces, the shred of stories that made Sana raise her eyebrows and then whisper to Vilde _it was abuse_.

Not that Vilde needed Sana to tell her to recognise it, but that wasn’t something she wanted to tell people, not really.

“And you know, when I started liking Eva I was so scared, I felt like I was a gross predator thinking about her without her consent, nothing short of a straight boy, but it’s not like this, it’s not.” Noora pauses and breathes deeply. “It’s society, us women are painted either as pure virgins without sexual desire _or_ as sluts. And it’s not true. We’re humans, and as long as you don’t reduce someone to your sexual desire, then it’s okay.”

“We’re not predators, we’re women who like women, and sexual desire is a healthy part of being attracted to other women.” Eva’s voice is scratchy, but she looks sure of herself when she speaks, and Vilde wishes she could be like her. “Bottom line either you’re not a creep or we are all creeps, you choose.”

At that, Vilde snorts. Of course her friends are not creeps, of course they aren’t. They’re beautiful and so sure of themselves, and she’s just there, processing all the information they gave her. “It still—it still doesn’t feel right, though,” she murmurs, and she hates how weak she sounds.

“That’s because you don’t unlearn social shit in five minutes, baby.” Eva laughs, not unkindly. “But it’s a start. It can be a start.”

A start. It can work. Maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so! Slightly longer chapter with the promised threesome at the end. Now I'm happy because I did write the f/f/f smut I was dreaming of, it's all good, girls have sex too, etc etc etc.
> 
> As per usual, [Giulia](http://viendiletto.tumblr.com)'s the one to thank for the arias here, and she found the themes and thank you for that, honestly <3

A start. Vilde still can’t really meet Noora or Eva’s eyes at school, but the burning sensation goes away a little bit, and everything goes back to normality.

Or, normality for the other people, at least. And that’s something, because seeing people being sad because of her was not nice, and she prefers not to be responsible for what happens to other people. It’s all just really stupid, and she can’t be trusted with that.

Vilde looks at her reflection in the mirror, can’t quite meet her eyes. She’s wearing a cute, floral dress, that hugs her waist and makes her look petite and pretty; she wanted to pair it up with a jeans jacket and do a light makeup, but she can’t even put her lipstick on in a way that doesn’t make her want to throw up. It looks wrong, it looks like there’s something foreign on her mouth, and the fake perfume mixed with its flavour makes her almost gag. She takes a wet wipe and wipes it off, and then takes off her foundation and eye makeup, and feels immediately better.

She goes to school a bit lighter.

 

***

 

“You’re not wearing any makeup.” Sana is circumspect, delicate, doesn’t look at her in the eyes. “Is something going on?”

Vilde feels the urge to cover up, to hide her face, to go in the bathroom to put a bit of makeup on and pretend everything is normal, but the truth is, she doesn’t really feel like wearing makeup these days. She tries, and then she takes it off, and doesn’t know if being called out on it is a good thing.

“Uh,” she says, and shrugs. “I don’t really—I don’t—everything okay,” she settles on in the end, and doesn’t look at Sana.

Sana looks at her for a while and doesn’t speak, doesn’t really call her out on this one too, and Vilde’s glad about that. In the end, she sighs minutely. “You know I’m here if you need it, don’t you?”

Vilde smiles despite herself. She doesn’t really feel like she deserves Sana’s friendship sometimes, not after all that’s happened between them, but Sana’s still there for her, still on her side, still protective despite everything. “Thank you,” she says. “I really appreciate it. But trust me, not wearing makeup feels good for once.”

Sana smiles and resumes her studying, and Vilde breathes in and out.

 

***

 

“It’s good, isn’t it,” says Eva, and it doesn’t sound like a question.

Vilde looks down, and Noora’s blonde head is between her legs, and her tongue is hot on her and spreads heat to all her body. She tries closing her legs, but Noora’s holding them open, not making her move or get a rest or do anything, just feel the heat that spreads from her tongue to Vilde’s body, unrelenting and powerful.

Vilde feels dizzy.

Eva has her hands on Vilde’s breasts, and keeps massaging and pinching her nipples lightly. She kisses her neck, and it’s wet, and it starts a shiver that goes down Vilde’s whole body. “It’s good, isn’t it,” she repeats, her breath tickling Vilde’s lobe.

Vilde opens her mouth, trying to make some sound, but nothing comes out of it. She tries to breathe, and it comes out in short little puffs that do nothing to ease her dizziness, and the heat she feels is coiling in her lower abdomen, and Noora starts going faster, and Eva bites her neck, and Vilde’s vision goes spotty and white, and she closes her eyes and everything around her explodes with pleasure, leaving her boneless and sated.

 

She wakes up without crying from a dream for the first time, and she blinks tiredly at the wall of her room, feeling the wetness between her legs.

 

***

 

“So, is it going good?”

“Yep.”

“And, how are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“I’m glad we’re spending the evening together.”

“Me too.”

“So, how is it going?”

“Good.”

Noora sighs. They’re at hers, and they’re cooking, and everything should be back to normal, but Vilde really can’t—she can’t—

“Vilde, it’s really not a shame to have sex dreams, you’re healthy, you’re okay, you’re young. What’s shameful about having sex dreams?”

Vilde doesn’t raise her gaze from the bell pepper she’s cutting, doesn’t want to face Noora, doesn’t want to look at her face and read whatever expression she’s sporting now.

“Vilde, please.”

Vilde shakes her head. How can she—?

“Vilde, do you really think I’ve never had a sex dream about you?”

And _that’s_ what makes Vilde raise her gaze and look at Noora, her eyes surely resembling two plates. “What,” she murmurs.

Noora makes a face with an air of impatience. “Dude, I like girls. I find you hot. Like it’s not rocket science.”

“But—” Vilde really doesn’t know what to say.

“ _And_ , I know for a fact that Eva has had them too. And by that I mean she told me she has had them.” Noora raises her chin in defiance, challenges Vilde to say something, and Vilde just opens and closes her mouth without any idea on what to say.

“Uh,” she murmurs in the end, and shakes her head lightly. “It’s not—it’s not like—together.” She can’t really bring herself to say it, she can’t bring herself to tell Noora that ultimately she’s still a creep.

Noora snorts, and for a moment Vilde thinks the worst, but then—“What makes you so sure about that?”

Noora is smirking. Noora is _smirking_ , and her eyebrow is raised in mock questioning. Vilde opens her mouth, then closes it, then opens it again. “… Yeah?” she asks, and it comes out timid, hopeful.

“I told you, liking women and having hormones doesn’t make you a creep,” says Noora, and smiles when Vilde blushes. “Now, can we restart on this gazpacho?”

 

***

 

“ _No, no, se tu mi sprezzi_ ,” sings Chris, and that’s one of her favourite pieces ever to sing; it’s not even written for her voice, but she just loves the arietta so much that she’s always humming it in between pieces, or singing it properly when she has time. Vilde could almost recite it by heart, for how many times she heard it.

She’s at Chris’ rehearsals, and there’s Sana with her, and Chris is doing an _a cappella_ impromptu thing because she can’t be arsed to play the piano to save her life. Well, unless she’s forced to do that, but she always repeats that piano is not what she wants to do. Vilde entertained the idea of learning it to accompany Chris, but she never went far. She knows how to play chords, sometimes they have fun with it, but nothing more.

“ _Ch’un altro amante trovar saprò_.” Chris looks at her and winks, then makes a pirouette. “Want to come play for me, babe?”

Sana elbows her. “You go,” she says. “I have to meet with Isak to study for biology in a bit. You know how he gets when people are late.”

Vilde doesn’t _know_ , not really—Isak is Sana’s friend first and foremost, and he’s Noora’s begrudging roommate, but they didn’t really have that much contact, not really. He’s nice enough, and she likes having him around, but he’s friends with Magnus, and Vilde doesn’t want to think about her failed relationship with him, not now and not ever possibly. “Okay,” she tells Sana.

Sana kisses her temple when she leaves, and Vilde’s glad they’re at this point now.

Vilde sits at the piano, and Chris pulls up the sheet. It’s simple, and Vilde can follow it quite easily just with chords, which means that either Chris simplified it, or she’s adapting to Vilde to sing something.

Chris sings to her, like she does every time Vilde is playing, and in the interpretative effort she touches her shoulder often. Vilde smiles; she knows nothing of German, just like she knows nothing of Italian, but hearing Chris sing is still one of her favourite things to do.

_Vilja, o Vilja, Du Waldmägdelein,_

_Fass mich und lass mich_

_Dein Trautliebster sein!_

_Vilja, O Vilja, was tust Du mir an?_

_Bang fleht ein liebkranker Mann!_

 

***

 

“Do you want to come to the skate park with me?” Eva is looking at her almost coyly, through her eyelashes, and Vilde just blinks at her.

“What,” she states. Eva’s passion for roller-skating goes back in time. It’s the way she got to meet Jonas, after all. But she usually goes with him at the skate park, she never invited anyone, and especially not Vilde.

“Come on, it’ll be fun. Noora’s coming too,” Eva states. “It’s a beautiful day out, and there will be a bit of people, but we can manage to have fun, I promise.”

“What about Jonas?”

“What about him?”

“Isn’t he coming?”

“I mean,” Eva shrugs, makes a vague gesture, “I’m sure he’ll be here with this weather, but I’m not asking him to come. I’m asking _you_.”

“But _why_?”

Eva looks at her a bit impatiently and a lot amusedly. “Because,” she says. “Are you coming?” She’s got her rollers dangling on her back, a hand holding them effortlessly even if they weight a lot. Vilde blushes a bit, and doesn’t even know why. “Okay,” she murmurs.

Eva takes her hand then, and it’s like a shock, like there’s a source of warmth irradiating from where they’re touching and reaching every single part of Vilde’s body, awakening things she didn’t know she had in her. Her heart is beating fast, and her stomach is doing somersaults, and she can’t even take off her gaze from the ground, lest she trips and makes this even more embarrassing. She can’t talk, can just fiddle with her hair and hope she doesn’t mess everything up. Eva’s hold is firm and strong, sure, and Vilde doesn’t want to ever let go.

At the skate park, Eva squeezes her hand one last time, and then lets go and Vilde immediately misses the contact. She raises her gaze, and Noora is smiling at her wide and unabashed, and a pit of guilt forms into her stomach.

“You came!” Noora hugs her, and her breath tickles Vilde’s neck and makes her shiver. “Are you ready to see this loser trip on the half-pipe?”

Eva shoves Noora half-heartedly. “I do _not_ trip on the half pipe, unlike _some people_ when Jonas let them on his skateboard.”

Noora has the decency to blush, and it shows under her careful makeup. “I don’t have the best balance and you knew it. Both of you.”

Eva just laughs and goes to put on her rollers, and Noora smiles up at Vilde, sweet. “Come to sit,” she says. “We’ll watch Eva hurt herself and then tend to her scrapes.”

Vilde giggles, and Noora’s smile widens at that. “Oh, but you’re mean,” she says, without heat, and Smiles at Noora’s delighted laugh.

“There’s no fun in not teasing, honestly.” Noora takes Vilde’s hand, just like Eva before, and just like that, Vilde can’t laugh anymore.

They watch Eva sliding on the edge of a ramp almost effortlessly; she gives a high five to Jonas, then throws a wink in their direction, and Vilde almost melts into a puddle of confusion. She looks at Noora, expecting her to be looking at Eva, but Noora is looking at her, almost assessing her reaction.

“She’s getting really good, especially considering that she didn’t pick up aggressive till two years ago.” Noora smiles in remembrance. “I had to see her all bloody from falling in random places for so long, it’s great that you see her now that she’s better, honestly.”

Vilde laughs a bit. “I wouldn’t have minded,” she murmurs, and Noora squeezes her hand, then start caressing it with her thumb, almost distractedly.

“Trust me, not a good view. Now you get to see her doing things.” Noora winks at Vilde and then goes back to watching Eva and Jonas on the half-pipe. Vilde feels dazed, and her stomach is doing somersaults; she would like to understand what’s happening, but she’s afraid that asking will lead to this to end, and it’s the last thing she wants.

She never felt like this, not when she was pursuing William, not when she was being pursued by Magnus. Never. She watches Eva going up, up, up on the vertical part of the halfpipe and touching it with a hand. She swiftly avoids falling when she goes down, but she ends up crashing on Jonas, and they end up in a giggling tangle of limbs.

“That’s what I was talking about,” murmurs Noora, and she’s got a fond smile on her face but her hand is still caressing Vilde, still tender, still nice, and Vilde doesn’t know what to make of that.

“Is she okay?” she asks, because apparently they’re ignoring that, apparently they’re doing as if it’s not happening, and she’s too coward to actually address it.

“She will probably pout for a bit and then ask you or me for a kiss, but she’s got her protections, she’s okay.” Noora’s tone is light, joking, but Vilde’s blood is rushing through her ears and she can’t really listen to anything Noora says after that.

She would think it’s a cruel joke Noora’s playing on her, but the way she’s still holding Vilde’s hand doesn’t look like a joke. The way she tenderly caresses her, the way she puts her arm around Vilde’s shoulder forcing Vilde in an awkward position she wouldn’t change if it was the last thing she does, that doesn’t feel like a joke, that feels very real.

Vilde cuddles up to Noora, and breathes in, enjoying the warmth. When Noora places a kiss on her hair, she can easily say she’s one of the happiest people on earth.

“Well, I fell.” Eva is indeed pouting. It looks good on her lips. “It hurts a bit.”

Noora just snorts and doesn’t say anything.

“Will you kiss it better?” Eva is watching both Noora and Vilde with what seems glee and nervousness in her eyes. Noora snorts again.

“What did I tell you? She’s pouting and asking us for pity kisses. Can you believe?”

Vilde’s heart is beating a mile a minute and she doesn’t react, but probably Noora can feel her trembling because she adjusts her grip and holds her tight.

Jonas, behind Eva, is smiling up at them.

 

***

 

“It hurts,” says Eva. She’s pointing between her legs. “Will you kiss it better?”

Noora laughs, and her hand snakes up between Vilde’s legs. “It hurts,” she says, and her nimble fingers open Vilde up, slide inside her with ease, push buttons that Vilde didn’t know she had, make her arch up, trying to get away with it, then going back to it.

Eva smiles, and her fingers go to keep company to Noora’s ones, and they’re tending to her too good and Vilde doesn’t know what to do.

“Will you kiss it better?”

Eva licks Noora’s neck, slowly, and Noora throws her head back and moans, loud and unabridged, and Vilde blushes at the sound. When Eva bites Noora, her moan breaks and her eyes close.

“Will you kiss it better?” Eva’s pouting, and her lips are full and bitten red and she’s coming towards Vilde’s face, mirth in her eyes.

“Will you kiss it better?” Eva licks Vilde’s lips, then Vilde’s nose, then Vilde sees her neck, and her breasts, and her stomach, and her—

“Will you kiss it better?” And Vilde _breathes in_ and it’s the best smell she’s ever felt, and everything is so warm and wet and she just stays there and looks and _breathes_.

“Will you kiss it better?” And Vilde smiles, and she wants to taste, and—

 

Vilde breathes, closes her eyes. Her hand goes down between her legs.

 

***

 

“What do you think of this one?” Sana’s holding a flowery dress, and that’s exactly Vilde’s style, and Sana knows it so well, but now she just… doesn’t feel it. At all.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I don’t think I want to buy a dress.”

Sana doesn’t even raise her eyebrows, just shrugs and looks around. “Do you want to change store? Maybe they have something you like.”

“I don’t know.” She does. She doesn’t want to change store. “Maybe there’s something upstairs.”

That’s where the men’s section is, but Sana doesn’t mention it, just nods, and Vilde is eternally grateful for that. She holds Sana hand and doesn’t let go because it’s a bit scary, it’s just all blacks and graphic tees and flannels and jeans, and she doesn’t know what to do and where to look. She’s afraid someone will come and call her out because that’s not really the section for someone like her, but nobody does that, nobody even spares her a glance, and she starts rifling through the clothes hesitantly, looking for something that could just _click_ with her.

In the end, she settles on a simple tee with the NASA logo on it. It’s very simple, but when she tries it on she can’t stop admiring it and doesn’t want to take it off. Sana just smiles and looks at her, says: “It looks good on you, I’d buy it,” and Vilde comes out of the store with a little less money and a lot more confidence.

“I can also force Elias to give me one of his flannels, if you want to try it on,” says Sana, as if it’s an afterthought. “They look good on graphic tees.”

Vilde smiles. “Why not?” she says.

 

***

 

“It’s a good look on you,” tells her Eva upon seeing the graphic tee and the flannel that Elias generously provided. “I like it.”

She’s wearing pretty much the same stuff, her hair down with a beanie on, while Vilde has a ponytail. She feels comfortable as ever. “Thank you.” She can’t stop the blush spreading on her cheeks, but Eva doesn’t seem to mind.

Noora chooses this moment to come out of her room, and her smile is so bright. “Hi Vilde, I hope you don’t mind there’s Eva too tonight.”

Vilde shakes her head. She definitely doesn’t mind, even if cooking with Noora has always been a tradition. “What are we making?”

“Crêpes with a mix of sautéed veggies? What do you think? Eva’s on chopping duty because she’s terrible at cooking.” Noora smirks, and Eva shoves her.

“Sorry, I’m taking Vilde with me and we’ll have our romantic dinner alone, since you can’t stop being rude.” She hugs Vilde and makes a face at Noora, who just smiles.

Eva’s warm and soft, and her breast is pressed on Vilde’s back, and Vilde lowers her gaze and doesn’t raise it, allows herself to just _feel_ , and tries not to feel guilty about it. She doesn’t manage it entirely, but almost, which is a start.

“Of course, of course. I really can’t wait for you to elope with Vilde and then send me pictures of what she could cook with you trying to help her.”

Eva squeaks indignantly. “Vilde, please, defend my honour!”

“I mean,” Vilde bites her lips. Eva is _really bad_ at cooking, mostly because she doesn’t even try. “I’m sure I can cook something amazing in case we elope. Without help, I mean.”

Noora’s laugh is loud and happy, and makes her chuckle at her own humour. The fingers in her ribs from Eva are not exactly pleasant, but it’s still worth it.

“I’m leaving you two for Sana, at lease she’s serious.”

Eva is still pouting a bit when she get started on chopping the courgettes, and Vilde can’t stop looking at her lips. They’re full, and she really wants to see how they taste, how they move on hers. She wants to bite them, and then lick them, and then feel them in contact with her skin, and—

“Everything okay, Vilde?”

Vilde blushes and nods, continues doing the batter for the crêpes. Noora’s got a smirk on, almost as if she knew what Vilde was thinking about.

 

***

 

“That’s really not an aria. That’s _Riders on the Storm_.” Chris smiles and nods, and continues to fuck around with her keyboard. She’s not amazing, but she knows enough, having picked up a bit from Vilde and a bit from the general environment she frequents.

“I’m glad you seem better now, you know,” she murmurs. She’s not really looking at her, just lazily pressing keys, but Vilde smiles nonetheless.

“I had a rough few weeks,” she says, and bites her lips. “It’s better now, I’m getting better. It wasn’t,” she hesitates. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to have this conversation yet, but Chris never presses for more, and she deserves to know at least a bit. “It wasn’t really a family problem.”

Chris just nods. “I guessed as much,” she says, and smiles up at her.

“You don’t want to know what it was?” Vilde asks, and Chris shakes her head.

“If you wanted me to know, you’d have told me already.” Chris is the best person she knows, honestly. She’s so glad she has Chris in her life.

“You’re the best person I know, you know that?”

Chris laughs. “Of course, I’m always the best of the best,” and then her expression turns serious. “Honestly Vilde, you’re too. You’ve been with me since forever, and you’re always here to support me. Thank you, really.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Vilde’s pretty sure she’s blushing. “I mean you’re amazing, and your family has always been amazing with me, and you treat me like I am family, and I can’t even begin to tell you how that makes me feel, after, you know.” She waves her hands in the air uselessly. She’s not great at acknowledging her family situation, honestly.

“You _are_ family, Vilde. Heck, I think my parents would probably adopt you without even batting an eye. And they will always love you whatever happens. _We_ will always love you whatever happens.” Chris raises her chin, and her expression is heavy like never before. Vilde’s heart is beating fast and hard.

“Are you serious?” she asks, and she hates being this needy, but she has to make sure, she really has to.

Chris gets up and hugs her, long and hard, and wow, Vilde didn’t even realise she started crying, that seems to be a common theme for her these days. Whatever. “A hundred percent. You can always pull a _Wally_ on your mum, you know that.”

Vilde laughs; Chris seems to know what she’s not saying, but she doesn’t acknowledge it, doesn’t feel ready to talk about it out loud yet. “Is that the new thing you’re studying?”

“Yeah I have to sing an aria where the protagonist tells her father to fuck off because she won’t marry the dude he wants, she’ll be gone on a mountain forever instead.” Chris winks. “Instead of a mountain you have this house, but who cares, we’ll make it work.”

“It could be a modernisation… _no sorry mum I’m going to live somewhere else, not on a mountain, it’s 2017!_ ” Vilde speaks haughtily and Chris is laughing loudly, her head thrown back.

“ _What do you mean, in isolation? Mother, I have a smartphone with an internet connection!_ Which is why I’ll always wonder about the modernisation of Romeo and Juliet, honestly. Like, no, sorry, if you live in this era, miscommunication as a plot device doesn’t make sense. You could have just talked but _no_.”

“Yeah,” Vilde murmurs, suddenly aware. “Doesn’t make sense. Why would it, honestly.” Her mind is reeling. She needs to speak with Noora and Eva like right now. Better, like yesterday. Or, more realistically, when she gets back to school or somewhere where she can see them both. “Give me this music sheet; I want to look up the chords for this stuff.”

“ _Ebben! Ne andrò lontana_ ,” sings Chris lowly, and Vilde sits at the keyboard. She loves Chris.

 

***

 

Vilde feels warm when she goes to bed, partly because today was a good day, but it’s not only that. That makes her feel fuzzy where her heart is, but it’s not what makes her buzz and shiver, it’s not what makes her feel wet.

She wants to talk with Noora and Eva, and she wants to clarify the situation once and for all; if their friendship survived her telling them that she dreams about them, their friendship will survive her asking them what is going on, because she really needs to do that, she really needs to understand and get closure. Because they’re not angry at her, because they told her she’s not creepy and that’s healthy and natural, because she’s not a predator. And she’s sure that she’ll believe these things with a bit of exercise.

She brings her hand down slowly, savouring the moment, and opens herself with inquisitive fingers, being content just exploring her slick heat. It feels nice, calm, and there’s heat irradiating from where her hand touches, and this time it isn’t a dream, it’s all real and it’s _Vilde_ doing that, it’s her doing.

She bites her lips, experiments with massaging her nipples a bit, and when it feels good she feels almost giddy for the excitement, for the fact that she _can_ make herself feel good and it’s not rushed, doesn’t feel guilty after the pleasure sparks, and it’s the best thing she’s felt in a long time. Her fingers move with purpose now, find her clit and start massaging relentlessly, and Vilde closes her eyes.

_Eva’s lips are plump, and Eva’s body is soft, and Eva’s wet and pressing herself on Vilde’s mouth so Vilde can lick herself through another orgasm, and her hands are both on her nipples and she’s moaning loudly. Noora is touching Vilde, touching herself, touching Vilde, touching herself, kissing Vilde’s clit, and her fingers are inside Vilde and her tongue is so soft and Eva is touching Vilde’s nipples and Noora is touching herself and_ —

Vilde comes biting the pillow; she waits for the guilt to hit, but nothing happens.

 

That night, she doesn’t dream at all.

 

***

 

“I really need to talk to you.” Vilde’s eyes are closed, she doesn’t want to look at Eva or Noora when she says that, because as much as she needs to talk to them, she’s not at the point where she can do that looking at them in the eye.

It’s been a good afternoon; they ate on the grass, and they’re laying down basking in the sun now, just lazying around. Sana and Chris just left, and Vilde knows she has to speak.

“Me or Eva?”

“Both of you, really.” Vilde takes a deep breath. “First of all, thank you,” she begins with a shaky voice, “because you didn’t consider me a creep and you’ve been really nice to me since—well. Thank you for that, I’m really grateful.” She had prepared a grand speech in her head, but she really can’t make the words come out like they have to come out, so she focuses on trying to get out everything she has to say instead. “This is just—this is not me coming at you, this is me being confused and trying to understand, because—because it’s not that I don’t like how you’re behaving with me, it’s just—” she stops, opens her eyes. She doesn’t really know how to explain it, and she doesn’t want to say it explicitly. Eva and Noora are looking at her, expressions carefully blank. She waves her hands at them. “Does this mean something? What is happening, exactly?”

“What do you want to happen?” Eva’s focused and she’s talking slowly, like she does when she doesn’t want to say too much too soon.

Vilde shrugs helplessly. “I’m not sure I can vocalise that,” she says. Her hands are trembling a bit.

“Okay,” Eva says. “Do you want me to tell you what we’d want to happen, then?” Vilde nods, and Eva bites her lips. “What we’d want to happen is for you to consider our get-togethers like romantic dates, and for you to be with us and have sleepovers at mine or at Noora’s, and to go on even more dates and have fun together and—” Eva is blushing a bit, and just shrugs in the end. “You know.”

Vilde doesn’t know. Vilde didn’t imagine. Not even in her wildest dreams—and she knows a lot about these. She just stays there, gaping and looking alternatively at Noora and Eva, doesn’t know what to say.

“Would you want to be our girlfriend, Vilde?” Noora is smiling when she asks.

“But—” Vilde tries to find her words. “Me? What have I done? I’m just… _me_.” Her voice is a bit squeaky, and she can’t really wrap her mind around it. She can just feel her heart beating fast, and try not to faint.

“There is no _just you_ , Vilde.” Eva actually, honest-to-god makes air quotes when she says that. “You’re an amazing person, interesting, and sweet, and funny, and you just… fit with us, and I’m sure you have noticed.”

Vilde’s smile is a bit shaky, but it’s there. “Oh my god,” she exhales. “It’s true?”

“Definitely true.”

“Absolutely true.”

They hug her, and she’s still a bit stunned and only hugs them back after a couple of seconds. They’re both pressed against her and she feels like she’s in paradise right in this moment. “How is this going to work?” she asks.

“We’ll figure it out,” murmurs Noora in her ear.

 

***

 

“You look like you’re glowing,” comments Chris offhandedly.

“Because I am,” says Vilde, and doesn’t add anything else.

 

***

 

“I’m really happy everything seems to be good with you, wallahi.” Sana gives her a pat on the back, and Vilde smiles big. She’s wearing Elias’ flannel, her NASA tee, and her hair is in a ponytail. She feels amazing.

“Things have been looking up for a while,” she says, and watches Eva and Noora coming towards them with a knot in her stomach; they’ve decided not to say anything for the time being, and they’re having a great time just being alone together. She feels amazing just being with them, and they’re just the best people everybody could ask for in their life, and Vilde is simply so lucky because she gets to have not one, but two amazing girlfriends with her. “I’m happy.”

 

***

 

“You were amazing today at the skate park,” Vilde says, and Eva becomes beet red.

“Thank you,” she answers, looking properly chuffed. “Managing not to fall at all was a first, honestly.”  
She’s a bit sweaty, but she hugs Vilde all the same, and places a kiss under her ear. Vilde’s breath catches, and she tries to act normal when she’s got Eva’s lips—the ones she can’t stop thinking about—so close to her skin. “Yeah,” she exhales. “It was… good.”

“Only _good_? That’s what I get?” Eva’s speaking close to her ear, and she must know which is the effect she’s having on Vilde, but instead of moving back, she presses her breast on Vilde’s arm. “Are you sure I don’t deserve more?”

“Not really, or next time you won’t pay attention because you’re too full of yourself.” Noora is smirking at them knowingly. “And we wouldn’t want that now, would we?”

Vilde’s still a bit timid, but she does reach for Noora, and kisses her maybe a bit too enthusiastically, but after what Eva’s been doing to her she doesn’t think she can be blamed. “Noora’s right, baby.”

Noora looks a bit breathless, but nods nonetheless. Vilde places a hand on her waist and starts massaging. She’s been feeling on edge and pulled tight, and she’s been savouring the anticipation building up between them.

Noora leans in and kisses her neck, wetly. Vilde feels in paradise.

 

***

 

 

***

 

“I can’t believe we’re really doing it.” They’re sitting on Eva’s bed, and they’re home alone, and Vilde is nervous. Eva looks at her with a serious expression.

“Do you really want it, baby? If you say no we can totally, like, ease you into it. Do it one at a time, you choose, you have the power.”

Vilde smiles up at Eva. She knows she can say no at any given moment. “No, I know. I’m nervous but in a good way. I just want everything to be perfect.”

“It won’t be,” says Noora matter-of-factly. “If you’re thinking about the movies, then it won’t be. We’ll clash a bit and we’ll have to adjust to one another. But if you’re thinking about the fact that we get to do this together, then yes. It will be perfect.”

Vilde smiles and lets Eva kiss her deeply, languidly, lets Eva’s tongue lick in her mouth, surrenders herself to Eva’s exploring hands. Behind her, Noora comes up and starts massaging her shoulder, slowly and with purpose, and soon her lips takes the place of her hands, and she’s kissing Vilde’s neck wetly, making her shiver.

It’s exactly like in her dreams, only it’s better because this is real, this is _fucking real_ , and she won’t wake up frustrated and crying, and she can be active here, and do things for her girlfriends (girlfriends!) and everything will be imperfectly perfect because Vilde’s with the people she wants to be the most right now.

She pulls at Eva’s shirt, chanting “off, off!” and takes out her own shirt before looking at Noora undressing, and wow, fuck, they’re so beautiful, she feels a bit self-conscious.

Noora notices, of course Noora notices, and hugs Vilde tightly. “You’re beautiful,” she tells Vilde. “You’re a goddess. You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamt of touching your body, Vilde. How many times I’ve wished I could make you come.”

“Me—me too.” Vilde has suddenly forgot how to language. “With both of you.”

“You’re beautiful and soft, Vilde,” Eva squeezes her waist and it’s _good_ , a bit possessive. “Just like me. Am I beautiful?”

Vilde turns her head towards Eva, bites her neck making her gasp. “The sexiest,” she murmurs.

“That’s all three of us, honestly, have you _seen_ us?” Eva winks, and then takes off her jeans and lingerie, standing before them in all her naked glory. “I need you to get on with the program,” she says.

Noora laughs, high and clear, and then she’s naked too, and she’s petite but Eva is bigger than her, and really soft. Vilde takes off her clothes and smiles a bit bashfully. “We’re the sexiest,” she says, and she’s not entirely convinced of being the sexiest, but the sexiest girls in the _entire_ universe like her, and that must account for something.

Eva kisses her again, and this time it’s faster, it’s messier, it’s her pressing her whole body on Vilde’s, it’s Vilde feeling the softness of Eva’s boobs, and it’s Vilde squeezing Eva’s waist and then Eva’s ass, pulling Eva towards her, making her giggle in Vilde’s mouth.

And then it’s Noora coming from behind and guiding them all on the bed, it’s Noora taking Eva’s place and kissing Vilde, and Vilde noticing the difference, because where Eva is always a bit messy, Noora’s always purposeful, even in heated kissing. Vilde just places her hands on Noora’s boobs, because she can cup them perfectly, because it’s fitting. She massages Noora’s nipples and feels Noora gasping in her mouth. She smiles into the kiss.

She goes down, kisses Noora’s neck and then takes one of Noora’s nipples in her mouth, and Noora chokes out a moan, and she feels Eva laughing. “Nipples are her weakness, good job.” And then Eva goes to kiss Noora and one of her hands reaches Vilde’s nipple and pinches it, making her arch towards Noora’s body.

It’s messy and it’s beautiful, and if Vilde could only do one thing for the rest of her life, she would choose sex with Eva and Noora.

She feels wet, and she thought the wetness she felt when she woke up from her dreams was a lot, but now she feels like she’s overflowing, like if someone doesn’t put her mouth on her she’s going to explode, and she wants to know if Eva and Noora are in the same situation she is, and there’s only one way to know.

Eva’s surprised moans is one of the best thing she’s ever heard, and encourages her to gently dig into Eva’s fold, only to find her amazingly warm and incredibly wet, and it must taste amazingly, she wants to smell, she wants to lick, she wants to—

“May I?” she asks, and Eva looks actually flabbergasted, and laughs a bit. “Please?” she adds.

Eva lays down and opens her legs. “No, you please,” she says, and she hasn’t even finished her sentence that Vilde’s on her, and _god_ , she does smell amazing, and she looks amazing, and Vilde giver her broad licks that make her quiver and arch on the bed, and Vilde can’t believe she’s the one doing that to Eva.

Noora winks at her and then goes to sit on Eva’s face, facing Vilde, her hands on Eva’s boobs. “It’s my favourite position,” she says conversationally, and if it wasn’t for her breathlessness you could almost believe she wasn’t actually naked and being eaten out. “I always come the hardest when I’m like this.” She pinches both of Eva’s nipples and Eva moans. “And she’s amazing with her tongue, you’ll try it later.”

Vilde nods and then resumes her ministrations on Eva’s clit. She licks slowly, teasingly, and then sucks a bit, experimenting for what makes Eva tense the most, what gives the best reaction out of her. Eva keeps pushing on Vilde’s face, like she wants more, more, and even more.

“You seem to be a natural talent, baby,” murmurs Noora, breathless. “I can’t wait to have your tongue on me, honestly.”

Vilde doesn’t even have the strength to blush, she’s too focused on making Eva come.

And coming she does, with a long moan suffocated by Noora still sitting on her face, and doesn’t stop licking Noora even for a moment. Vilde rises up and kisses Noora hungrily, lets Noora put her hand between her legs and moans into the kiss.

“You’re so wet, baby, so, so wet.” Noora smiles. “You must taste so good, I want to make you come so bad.”

Noora’s hand is relentless, and Vilde’s powerless to do anything more than panting in her neck, and when Noora comes she stills for thirty seconds and then immediately pushes Vilde to lay on the bed. “Your turn, baby,” she says, and doesn’t wait for an answer to start licking her out in earnest.

And Vilde never felt something like this, honestly. Noora strikes with a purpose, and her tongue is velvety and warm on Vilde’s clit, and gives her so much more than her own hand, and then Eva starts sucking her nipples and Vilde can’t even keep her eyes open because the pleasure is too much. “Oh, lord, please, right there, please.” She knows she’s babbling, but she doesn’t care. She just wants to—just wants to—

White noise explodes in her head, and she must have shouted but she can’t even control her limbs at the moment, can’t even react, can’t even do anything that’s not _white pleasure running through her body_ , and the only things she feels are Eva’s mouth on her nipple, and Noora’s mouth on her pussy, and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—

She comes down slowly, and Eva and Noora are looking at her, smiling. “Everything good?” asks Noora, and Vilde thinks she gets whiplash from nodding too hard, but she doesn’t care.

“Can we do it again?” it’s a plea more than a question, and Eva and Noora both smile really big.

“I still haven’t got my mouth on you,” says Eva. “And that’s inexcusable.”

And Vilde finds herself moaning between pleasure and discomfort, and it’s so much better than the first time because she feels still that urgency but now that she knows how it is, now that she has felt it, now she literally can’t wait. “Can you sit on my face?” she asks Noora, and Noora smiles.

“That’s the best thing that you ever asked me, honestly,” she says, and sits down slowly, presenting herself to Vilde.

Vilde just breathe for a while, then starts to lick, slowly, and lets Noora adjust her position to put her tongue wherever she wants. Noora tastes good, and she smells good, and Vilde will never have enough of her, just like she will never have enough of Eva.

She understands why this is Noora’s favourite position; it’s good, and she’s surrounded by Noora’s legs, and Noora’s pussy, and she can’t even focus on anything in particular because Noora’s hands are on her nipples, and then Eva’s mouth is on her clit, and oh!, Noora was right, Eva’s got a skilled tongue, and Vilde tries to move, but Eva’s got a firm grip on her legs, and she barely has room to breathe, and the only way to let off all the pleasure is to lick Noora in earnest, and she wants to make her come before the white pleasure overcomes her again, because she doesn’t know how much she’ll have after that.

“Vilde—Vilde—you’re doing great baby—oh my god!—you’re doing amazing. Oh my _god your fucking mouth, oh my god_ —” Noora’s not usually one to swear, but Vilde can absolutely empathise with the sentiment. She reaches out and pinches Noora’s nipples, and it’s clumsy because the position is not ideal, but Noora almost screams, and it means she’s doing something good. “Yes, please, _please—fuck—please_!”

Vilde keeps licking till Noora basically collapses on the bed near her, and then she can concentrate on Eva’s tongue, and she still can’t move and doesn’t have distractions, and the heat building up in her abdomen finally explodes, leaving her boneless and sated.

She and Noora take turns to make Eva come another time, and then another one, till Eva’s begging them to stop, and Vilde has never felt so happy, but at the same time she doubts she’ll be able to move from the bed, like, ever. “Oh my god,” she murmurs. “That was—” she doesn’t even know how to describe it.

Noora’s snuggled between her and Eva, and laughs tiredly. “That was,” she agrees, and doesn’t add anything.

“I wish I could start again because that was,” Eva says, “but I think my pussy’s actually begging for mercy, oh my god.”

Vilde laughs despite herself, and she feels the good kind of sore, the kind that you don’t mind having. “Maybe nap first,” she murmurs, already half asleep.

“Nap first,” Noora agrees, and snuggles into Vilde even more. “Shower later.”

“Shower sex later,” says Eva, and Vilde laughs again.

They stay silent for a bit, just basking into the afterglow, and Vilde never, ever, ever felt like this, and she doesn’t feel guilty at all. She’s still got a lot to do, and she’s got fears to overcome, but she’s got her girlfriends with her, and she knows she can do it. “Guys,” she says. “I’m a big lesbian.”

Noora laughs, and she knows it’s her first time saying that. “Me too, baby, me too,” she murmurs. “A big lesbian like you.”

“And I’m a big bi,” Eva smiles. “Getting bi, just like the song.”

Vilde laughs again. “We’ll buy you a saxophone,” she murmurs, then closes her eyes and falls asleep.

Everything is good.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaah well well well. It's a shame that the language to talk about sapphic sex is so limited so I'm always scratching my head when i write ahahah.
> 
> Also, the opera song used in this chapter is thematic, of course. [Here](http://www.aria-database.com/search.php?sid=d1e47c791dd9eec6f7da0d6c1e318d05&X=4&individualAria=120) some explanation. For this one, and the ones in the next chapter, the person to thank is [Giulia](http://viendiletto.tumblr.com) bc she knows more about opera than I do, and I wouldn't have been able to come up with thematic songs for Vilde.
> 
> Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts! My tumblr is [nooradeservedbetter!](http://nooradeservedbetter.tumblr.com) And if you can, here's the fic post you can reblog!


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